Beauties, Bovines & What A Girl Wants

Seems a threat has been made against Queen F&M. She called me today and firmly stated that I “must update the blog and be funny” in order to thwart the attack of the enemy. That’s right. David has threatened to update the blog unless I do it and we all know what happened last time he did that….. Fat, mean, deaths door, etc. I repeatedly told Kelly she was more than capable of doing her own blog plus she is much funnier than me and these are her friends anyway.

Her response, as usual, was, “You know what I’m hearing? Blah, blah, blah blah, blah!”

So fine. Here I am, updating the Queen’s blog. Some of you will be delighted to once again enjoy my sardonic wit and wisdom while I am sure others will respond with wailing and gnashing of teeth. Either way, lay the blame on the Queen.

Before I give Kelly’s latest medical update, I must get something off my chest. On my last day with Kel last week, she asked me to place her scarf on her head in order to cover her scar. As I was attempting for the sixth or seventh time to accomplish this task, she looked at me in the mirror and calmly stated the following:

“I think you need to go back to milking cows.”

Having gone through six weeks of her steroidal abuse and knowing my escape was near, I let the comment slide. Now that she has insisted on using my writing skills once again, I feel it only fair that I address her parting shot.

Dear Kelly~

If anyone ever doubted you had a brain tumor, they would surely no longer wonder at the validity of that claim based upon your request for ME to do any type of beautification procedure. It has always been a well known fact that I can saddle a horse, birth a baby, grow a garden, cook for an army and milk a cow. But what on God’s green earth would give any sane person the idea that I know anything about manicures, mascara or tying scarves? Have you seen me?? For future reference, I am the short, round sister that usually has dirt under her nails and smells like the barn. The old gal is the one that you want to ask for if looking good is your goal. Ask for me if you need your horse saddled, your butt wiped, or your in labor.

Love ~

Mar

One last thing. Kelly keeps saying she does not know how to repay me for staying with her. She has a bad habit of thinking this way, that she has to repay a kindness. Last year she sent me so many boxes that the neighbors thought I was “seeing” the UPS guy. I have given this great thought and have finally figured out what it is I want and deserve for putting up with…..I mean for helping Kel this last go around.

I want you to get up out of that bed everyday, shower and get dressed, realizing how loved and blessed you are by God and so many others. I want you to go to therapy even when you don’t want to and work until you think you are ready to pass out then go a little further. I want you to get everything there is in this life that God has planned for you. I want you to focus on what’s good and right in your life, even on the days when it’s nothing more than the cat loves you. I want you to be happy and healthy and live. Really live! Shut the TV off. Go outside. Plant flowers. Milk a cow! Ask God to show you something new and exciting everyday. He is not done with you. This is just the beginning, so begin again!

I love you ~