I May Be Fat, But You're Ugly And I Can Lose Weight

Today was the first day out of the hospital, so we decided to sleep in. As fate would have it, Kelly had to use the bathroom at 6am and then Dr. Weinberg’s office called around 7:30am asking if she could come in. Obviously, this day had more to offer than rest and relaxation.

After a quick breakfast and showers, Kel and I headed off to Dr. McDreamy’s for her appointment. The report was good and they are weaning her off the steroids. This is a very good thing ……. for all of us. Steroids are a bad thing! As David so poetically put it way back in the beginning, they make you fat and mean. Let me give you an example:

Last night Kelly said, “You need to give me my shot and then help me to the bathroom.” Sounded simple enough. I had done it many times in the recent past. It seemed like a safe enough request. So, I got her shot and asked if she was ready to which she said yes. So I gave her the shot, again, like I have many times. Her response is usually benign such as, “Thanks.” Not last night!

“You hurt me! Why are you so mean to me?”

I tried to hide my deer in the headlights look and responded as calmly as possible, “What did I do? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Then the waterworks started and I was informed how much nicer the nurses were and how mean I was and something about wishing she had a BB Gun right then. I slowly backed away having dealt with wounded, crazed animals before. You never turn your back on em.

Thinking today was a new day with a new start, I tried to forget about last night and hope for the best. As I said earlier, the morning seemed to go just fine with a good report and later a nice lunch together. Once back in our room, we took a little nap and then when it was time to get up, those darn steroids kicked in again. Kelly’s back was hurting so I suggested she move into a different position to which she suggested I move closer so she could kick my lower extremity. The final straw was the following comment.

“I am going off my steroids and I am going to lose this weight and you're still going to be a chunky monkey. Then I am going to kick your a** and then you’ll be sorry.”

That’s the last time I ask for one of her cookies.